Anyone else just the absolute worst at sleeping? I have been since I was a child and it really hasn’t gotten any better….at all. Here I am…it’s well past midnight and I really should be sleeping….I have to be somewhere in less than 7 hours. But no. Of course I’m not asleep. I’m eating pita bread and hummus after two failed attempts of shutting my mind (and my stomach) off.
I have such bad anxiety about sleeping through my alarm, that instead my body just doesn’t let me. It’s pretty great. It’s entirely counterproductive, too. I’ve slept through my alarm twice in my entire life, but I still have the irrational fear of being late. Anyone else? I know I’m not the only crazy person out there….(by the way, I know I’m not crazy…just incredibly anxious…all the time).
I really shouldn’t be writing blog posts in the middle of the night because they rarely ever make any sense, but I’m just trying to be relatable here. It’s like my stream of consciousness, but less confusing. My ADHD mind writing stream of consciousness would probably be horrendous and nearly impossible to follow.
For a while, I’ve kind of hated every single post that I’ve put up on my blog. Not because the pictures aren’t beautiful and all of that. But I feel like the actual content and the post (which no one really reads anyways) is just not authentically me. I read blogs like The Skinny Confidential and just love how raw and open she is. I can’t stand coming on here and writing about how much I just absolutely LOVE this shirt I’m wearing (don’t get me wrong, because I really do). I’m done trying to tell you what you need to buy and not giving the people who read this something that they can actually learn from and relate to.
I’m trying to transition into talking about real things because it’s so much more me. If you knew me at all, you’d know how unfiltered I can be and how I just don’t care what people think. I started Girl Next Score to be a place where I can express that, not just share what every other blogger is trying to.
Blogging is hard. I don’t think people realize how much effort it takes to write a post, link the pieces, edit pictures, take pictures. It’s hard freaking work and I’m so lucky to have a few select people in my life that understand that….I mean my boyfriends drives around Phoenix with me for hours taking photos in the heat and he genuinely wants to. Those are the people that get it.
This post turned out to be pretty freaking long, but it was the easiest thing that I’ve written in months. Sorry in advance that it probably makes no sense to anyone but myself, but like I said, I’m just trying to be me from now on.
I love having this outlet that I have the opportunity to share my life (the good and the bad parts) and I want to focus more on sharing not just the good. Thank you to everyone who has supported my “stupid” blogging adventures (because I know that 90% of you think this is lame…but I really could care less)! Whether I have 5 readers or 5,000 it’s so nice to have somewhere where I can be creative and just create something of my own.